


All Quiet on the Mother Base

by playmelikeadamnfiddle



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playmelikeadamnfiddle/pseuds/playmelikeadamnfiddle
Summary: Once I finished the horrific chapter in MGSV in which Big Boss has to decide who survives the vocal chord infection, I wondered about the PTSD that would ensue after experiences such trauma. How would soldiers on Mother Base handle it?This is quite a bit longer than I expected it to be! I started out just playing with the ideas, and realized that I was actually really interested in this character. I’m definitely not great with words, but I really enjoyed creating this story.
Relationships: Kazuhira Miller/Reader
Kudos: 5





	All Quiet on the Mother Base

**Author's Note:**

> Once I finished the horrific chapter in MGSV in which Big Boss has to decide who survives the vocal chord infection, I wondered about the PTSD that would ensue after experiences such trauma. How would soldiers on Mother Base handle it?
> 
> This is quite a bit longer than I expected it to be! I started out just playing with the ideas, and realized that I was actually really interested in this character. I’m definitely not great with words, but I really enjoyed creating this story.

After the vocal chord parasite incident, life on Mother Base radically changed. A large percentage of the soldiers were gone in an instant. So many of the fellow soldiers you fought aside, lived aside, moved as one body in combat were just gone. Ghosts that haunted your bunks. You handled it to the best of your ability, keeping busy, doing extra tasks on base, losing sleep to avoid the nightmares. Under constant pressure you performed well, but you didn’t think about what would happen if you stopped for too long. 

The night was warm, and lightning loomed on the horizon, air static with the charge. Running laps around the barracks, you were trying to push off the ever-persistent creep of sleep. As you ran, lungs heaving, rain drops started falling. One by one, they fell, the larger ones stinging as they made contact. All at once, the skies opened up, and rain torrented down. Lightning crashed closer, illuminating the metal fixtures that made up Mother Base. The rain was warm, almost pleasant. Faces of your comrades appeared in the rain, and the dim lights around you illuminated each raindrop. 

The weight of the last month crashed over you. Your outfit, full of rain water, felt like a thousand pounds. It made breathing an impossible task. A scream so primal it sent chills through your spine reverberated all around the walls. It came from your mouth, but it felt like it came from a different reality.

Falling down on your knees, you punched the ground, over and over and over again. You screamed until your throat was on fire. You’d been interrogated in the field before, but that had nothing on the pain you felt now. The fists that had been trying to punish the ground were now bloody messes. Red mixed with the rain, swirling into patterns, and melted away. You couldn’t get your jacket off quick enough to stop the gasping. The world was collapsing around the black hole that consumed your soul. The image of Big Boss spreading everyone’s ashes on his face was burned into the backs of your eyelids for eternity. 

“We’ll make diamonds from their ashes,” he stated. 

Fuck that. Pure symbolism won’t bring back the dead. Those diamonds, now on each soldier’s jacket sleeve, would glisten as soldiers rushed by in the sunlight. But the men who’s bodies were now diamonds were just as gone as the moment when Big Boss put a bullet in between their eyes. 

There were no more restraints now. As you kneeled on the ground, tears streamed down, indistinguishable from the rain that permeated your body, warm streams against warm skin. Waves crashed on the platform legs below you, the ocean as turbulent as the pain tearing through your body. They drowned out the sound of the truck that was slowly approaching. 

..................

A sudden shout nearby barely registered in your mind. 

“Caracal? What the hell are you doing out here?”

You were so exhausted that when you heard your name, you merely tilted your head up from where you were kneeling on the ground. The black issue tank top you wore daily was plastered to your body, and your jacket, now a soggy pile next to you. You weren’t sure where your body ended and the rain started. A flicker of recognition crossed your thoughts, and you realized the figure that was standing over you. 

“C..commander Miller,” you manage to whisper out, your throat screaming with pain, eyes aflame, and tears streaming.

You heard a sharp inhale, then a sigh from Miller when he saw your face.

You didn’t give a damn that the commander found you like this, half undressed, soaking in the rain, blood on your hands. It didn’t matter. You would be put on probation for insubordination, along with the other troublemakers. *Who gives a fuck when half of my family is dead?*

“Come with me,” he ordered. 

The pain in you wanted to lie here and drown courtesy of the sky’s wet bounty, but the Diamond Dog in you obeyed Miller’s command. Your body moved automatically, years of habits drilled into you.  
Now you were stepping underneath a lamp. Now you were grabbing the truck door handle.  
Now you were driving along the strut, truck bouncing rhythmically. 

Something played on the radio, which Miller turned lower as the two of you had gotten into the vehicle. Rain rolled off the windshield, filling the truck with a numbing noise. Miller’s steady breathing kept your mind just on the precipice of wondering how fast you could jump out of the truck and leap over the edge, and actually finding out. The water, stretching for an eternity, welcomed those who couldn’t face another day. It happened, occasionally. Roaring Mastiff, someone who entered Mother Base around the same time you did, was the last. Those that jumped were treated with a silent reverence, and although the soldiers didn’t speak about their lost comrades, you all shared the pain. White flowers were always found on the railings the morning after, placed by passing soldiers.

The day after the quarantine slaughter, Mother Base was covered in white. Soldiers used whatever white articles they had. It was a beautiful testimony to how strong the bond was between all on Mother Base. 

The slowing truck jarred you back to the present, white flowers fading into streams of water. Your door opened, a trickle of rain falling onto your arm, and you realized that Miller had opened your door for you. The light from the truck cabin illuminated his figure, and with his hair pasted to his face, his usual harsh demeanor was softened. His mouth, while certainly not upturned, was not frowning in anger. He looked pensive.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just head to Ocelot’s office now,” you asked, more of a statement than an actual question.

Miller let out a small chuckle, the frown melting away. 

“Ocelot? Ahh, I apologize if you spent the ride thinking you were heading to an interrogation. No, he won’t be necessary.”

The thought finally occurred to you that Miller had no plans of inflicting maximum pain for an unsightly breakdown. No talking to, no “the Boss will be hearing about this” as he stormed off, cane aggressively cutting the silence. Miller was actually concerned about you. 

..................

The warmth of Miller’s office was welcome. Standing in the doorway, painfully aware of every drop of water landing on the floor, you stood at attention while the commanding officer rifled around. 

“I’m sorry about the mess, Commander.”

You gestured around, not entirely knowing whether you were talking about the floor, or the fact that he even found you like this. 

“It’s fine”, he said, over his shoulder. “And please, just Kaz.”

He turned around, gesturing to a shirt and pants he had placed on the desk, not giving you enough time to process the fact that you and the Commander were now on a first name basis. 

“These might not fit perfectly, but they’re better than what you’ve got now,” he said, cocking his brow and looking over the waterlogged clothing that was now leaving a pool on his floor. His gaze lingered, studying you, then he sat down at his desk.

“Go ahead and use my bathroom to change, I’ll get some supplies for your hands.”

You hadn’t forgotten about your hands. Knuckles covered in angry red patches, and skin coming off in shreds. It hurt to flex. Grabbing the pile of clothes from where Miller placed them, and trying to wrap your mind around the bizarre night you were having, you head to the bathroom. 

“Thank you, sir” you say, nodding, then, trying it out, add on a quiet “Kaz.”

You could tell that the man tried to mask it, but the corners of his mouth raised, very slightly, in what was the most honest smile you had ever seen. 

..................

You weren’t really sure what was happening. The time span between screaming your heart out in the rain and sitting on Kaz’s bed was only about half an hour. The fog of anger and grief, a million other emotions, all starting to clear. 

“Kaz, why am I here?”

The words tumbled out of your mouth, and you watched Kaz for any tell in his face. There was none. He had a medic come and bandage up your hands. He watched over the two of you, while you watched the medic for any sign in their face of confusion as to why you were here, sitting on Miller’s bed, wearing Miller’s clothes. If the medic had any questions, none showed on their face. Professional to the very end.

“You’re here,” he finally said while handing you a hot cup of tea, “because I found you attempting to beat the ground to hell and back.”

You readjusted uncomfortably, not used to the direct attention from a higher up.

“And I want to know what’s happening,” he finished. 

You sighed into your tea, the scent of honey and jasmine filling your senses. You look up at Miller. He’s watching you from the chair behind his desk, patient, but waiting for an explanation. You’re suddenly aware of how ambient the lighting is in the small room. There was another aroma. What was it? Pine? 

As you processed the events leading up to today, tears start filling your eyes again. Some land in your tea.

“I should have been dead. I should have taken one of their places.” 

You’re still looking into your cup when you feel the bed shift. He’s there, sitting next to you. You take note of the hints of sandalwood in his cologne, the mystery scent solved. His eyelashes, long and blonde, and his cloudy blue eyes behind his sunglasses.  
You’ve never been so close to him. 

“Kaz, I miss them so fucking much.”

Miller’s arm comes up and wraps around your shoulder, with a level of intimacy you never expected from the man tortured by the grim reality of the battlefield. No longer fearing repercussions for this particular incident, you lean into his shoulder, and let your grief out in the form of uncontrollable sobbing. Fingers brushed your hair aside, gently rubbing your cheek. 

“Listen to me,” he softly breathed, “we are Diamond Dogs. You and I, we both know the same pain. We are forged from the same material. Damaged over and over, and we just get stronger as we are thrown back into the fire.”

There was a fierce pride to his voice, but it was betrayed by a tear that rolled down to his jawline. 

“We will get through this. Together. There isn’t a single moment that goes by where I don’t think about them.” 

There was desperation in his voice, immense pain held back with a tremble. The legend that scowled around Mother Base with a permanent chip on his shoulder suddenly became human in front of you. His coldness wasn’t callousness; he was distant because he was so afraid of losing everything. This was a man that was in so much pain, and you had never noticed. You wondered what else was eating away at Miller, and as his glasses shifted, you saw how tired he was. He hasn’t been sleeping either.

“If you’d like, you can sleep here tonight. You need to rest, and I can’t imagine it’s been easy to get rest in the barracks.”

You look around, noticing the twin bed. 

“It’s okay, I can sleep at my desk. I’m accustomed to it,” he said with a sad laugh. 

The thought of Miller sleeping alone at his desk night after night broke your heart. Only sleeping when it was physically impossible to avoid it any longer, just like you. The two of you had been running from the same ghosts, parallel to each other, but fighting the battle alone. 

Biting your lip, you decided to act on a whim. 

“Kaz, I’d really like if you...if you....” words trailed off, your nerve wavering. 

It was now or never.

“Please hold me while I sleep...don’t leave me alone.”

The words were so small, but filled the room louder than any ghost ever could. Your face warmed as he responded. 

“I’ll never leave you alone. Ever.”

..................

The two of you found serenity each other’s embrace. Years of running away from an ever growing threat melted away as hands tangled in hair, grasping at a chance of feeling human again. Your breathing entwined, mixing with the sound of rain pattering at the walls. Listening to Kaz’s heartbeat, and drowsily noticing the way his thumb on your arm as he caressed you, sleep finally came over you. 

In the morning, filtered sunlight streamed into the room, illuminating Kaz’s golden hair. All was quiet, and his breathing was even and comforting. Noise from drill practices drones on outside, and you smiled at the thought of the base staff passing by without even realizing the two of you were in here. 

You felt Kaz start to wake, and he let out a happy grumble, eyes still closed. Your hand met his lips, gently tracing them, and Kaz chuckled. 

“Feeling okay?” came out from those lips. 

You smiled.

“I feel so safe in here, with you.”

He hugged you closer to his chest, chin resting on your head. 

“Whatever lies out there, we can handle. Together. I will always be at your side, will always have your back. Come what may, I am yours, forever,” and with that, finally kissed you. All was calm, and for the first time in a while, you found peace on Mother Base.


End file.
